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What to Say Instead of . We transform them into courageous warriors, ready to battle and conquer the forces of the evil disease.

They’re suddenly heroes. It can feel odd to them because just a bit ago, they were everyday humans, sometimes brave, sometimes scared shitless, trying to navigate the twists and turns of life like everybody else. Upon learning the news that John Mc.

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Cain has an aggressive type of brain cancer, the senator was sent a flood of well wishes from past and present American leaders, all sounding a bit like an infantry soldier pep talk. Barack Obama tweeted, “John Mc. Cain is an American hero & one of the bravest fighters I’ve ever known. Cancer doesn’t know what it’s up against. Give it hell, John.” In a White House release, President Donald Trump stated, “Senator John Mc.

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Cain has always been a fighter.” Mike Pence wrote, “Cancer picked on the wrong guy. Download Film Persian Connection (2017). John Mc. Cain is a fighter, and he’ll win this fight too.” Gabrielle Giffords gave the rallying cry, “You’re tough! You can beat this. Fight, fight, fight!”In trying times is more important than ever to consider the feelings of those around you. But for some cancer patients and their families, the war metaphors felt problematic, misplaced.

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In an opinion piece for The Independent, Anthony Wilson took issue with describing cancer as a “battle,” believing this type of language hands responsibility for recovery to the patient and perpetuates a myth that only those who “fight” survive it. If a person dies, does that then mean he lost? Also, it gives the patient an added mental toll on top of the physical one he has zero control over.

As Josh Friedman wrote in a piece for Time, “Toughness and courage are staples of our cultural business. But these are not how we survive cancer. We survive cancer through luck, science, early detection and real health insurance.”Kelsey Crowe, an empathy scholar and founder of the organization Help Each Other Out, says we need to find other ways to talk about late- stage cancer diagnoses and other illnesses—and yes, we should be talking about it. Crowe is the co- author of the book There Is No Good Card For This: What To Say And Do When Life Is Scary, Awful, And Unfair To People You Love. Here’s what she believes would be helpful to say when you just don’t have the right words.

But by rooting it in, . When you say you’re sorry about this one tragedy, it disconnects their identity from the tragedy, and they’re free to be themselves again. The person might say, “Thank you, it sucks,” and then talk to you about it.

Crowe says, “You can say, . This must be tough. How are you doing today?’ and then let the person tell you if it’s tough or not.”Some People Do Want to Be “Fighters” While many don’t appreciate the word “fight,” some do, Crowe tells me. We should pay attention to the language they use. Inner light! Kill, Quakers, kill!’ That can mobilize people. It’s a rallying call to get through another day.

So I wouldn’t give up on that language if the person is still using it.” She adds that if you’re in regular conversation with the person, you can address your language around the illness.